Saturn transit through the 12th house. The art of introspection and zoning out!

My experience with Saturn transit through the 12th house. The art of introspection and zoning out!

I am just ending this transit after 3 and a half years almost. Pretty much since the moment I gave birth to my first child and then a second followed. They say Saturn transiting the 12th is about dissolution of your old lifestyle. For sure, the party going, globe trotting, irresponsible flirt slowly dissolved, but there was a good reason for it with two babies that need routines and constantly being stuck at home.

Disconnection from the world and isolation: pretty much so, barely see anyone or go anywhere but the rest of the world had this experience this year too.

They say Saturn in the 12th brings up a lot of past or unresolved fears, anxieties, worries. Check!

They say Saturn in the 12th makes you confused, unmotivated and it is good to learn to be than just do. Felt that too these years, tired a lot more, frustrated that I can’t just organize myself and install new healthy routines, I want to but I don’t have the will power. So I do the bare minimum: work, take care of kids, then relax and listen to spiritual and self growth lectures, reseach, think deeply about many things.

Sleeping became more eventful than awake life: every night is another crazy adventure involving my biggest pains from the past, old relationship hurts, unresolved guilt and yearnings from the distant past coming in my dreams to be relived or experienced vividly in another shape and outcome.

First this was strange till I realised that my dreams act like a psychologist: helping me dive into these unresolved issues I had forgotten and thought never really affected me, and realizing the depths to which they did, and then reliving them over and over with changes until I started to reframe my perception and feelings about them.

Such interesting period. So retrospective.

They say you can’t or don’t want to work much, I actually worked consistently and a lot through it all, but Saturn was squaring all my natal planets in its stay there so I was busier than ever. It was hard to let go and rest when so many people rely on me for work and support. And I was tired.... a lot! My life force felt less for the first time in my life. After a night out, I would need 3 days to recover. After a a couple of hours of video recording, I could not even cook dinner for the kids...

But I learned to be ok to leave the house messy for days and instead rest after work. I learned to delegate and do just the most essential tasks. I learned not care what the neighbors would say if I had piles of garbage on the front door and 3 feet uncut grass lawn... I learned that the kids won’t die of malnutrition if I don’t cook home meals and salads every night...

You kind of let go, cause you can’t do it all...and if you hate yourself for it, tough luck, now you are sloppy and miserable about it... so just embrace your half discarnate and sloppy ways for a bit, just to make it easier on yourself...

They say you would be unclear about what you want your life to be, or who you are. I was pretty clear throughout, I knew what I want and what I need to do, just somehow I could not get myself to do it, the motivation was short lived. I started working on some of these long term goals but they just kept dragging on because of external circumstances. They will be finally completed and given to the world when Saturn is in my first.

They say you can stay in hospitals, prisons or self made prisons (feeling stuck, addiction, etc) during Saturn in the 12th. Mine was a baby prison (it is the sweetest) and struggle to control self undoing behaviors.

It was hardest in the mind, feeling like I am on the verge of a breakthrough (in consciousness, In perspective, in feeling, in self awareness etc) but never really crossing that line, being dragged back into the old vibration. That has been my biggest hurdle with this transit. Like you are in limbo, waiting to be born, pushing, but somehow still stuck...

I hope Saturn crossing into my first house this January will finally push me over the edge! And not to fall but to fly...

12 house Saturn transit can be a very deep time, if you like the company of your own thoughts, exploration of the deep reasons, the past, soul gazing, reading, studying, researching, spiritual work, contemplation, then Saturn in the 12th can be very special and enjoyable time for you.

I had no big losses(except one pregnancy), no big regrets, just deep introspection into my psyche and the past, a lot of internal processing and enquiry. I had maybe some hidden enemies, but I wouldn’t know, they are hidden (12th) I found out about 2-3, but nothing too dramatic. I dealt with a bit of betrayal, but mostly introspecting on my own past betrayals and unwholesome treatment of others and myself.

But I realized I was not in touch with my feelings, and I tend to downplay them and bury them: no water in my horoscope: I discovered through my dreams that many events which I brushed off as painful but not insurmountable, actually had effected and traumatized my soul deeply, or why else would I start dreaming about them on a loop and experiencing these all forgotten hurtful emotions as if they happened now...

All the difficulties of the past which I thought were just the normal experiences of youthful immaturity (homelessness, immigration, drug abuse, unequal relationships, cheatings and betrayals, broken heart(many times), sexual assaults, 33 relocations in 20 years, poverty and putting one self in humiliating and illegal situations because of it... I mean doesn’t everyone go through these, no big deal, still alive, healthy and breathing.... people go through way worst.... that was my thinking about what I had experienced in the last 25 years. No big deal....there is way worse....Just keep walking....

Wow...

Well my soul obviously did not think this way and she showed me, dream after dream after dream....

Now that I have crossed on the other side: into normacy, loving relationship, happy stable family life, thriving career and prolonged financial comfort, I was horrified at being reminded so vividly what I had lived through... and I am a bit in awe at my past resilience, to be honest. Somehow these dreams and the 12th house transit of self introspection helped me transform the guilt, vulnerability and shame I felt about my past self and come to terms with it, actually to even admire my self for the ability to keep my sanity and love. I allowed myself to cry the tears I never shed when I was in survival mode for years. But these were not tears of sadness and self pity, these were tears of relief and self compassion to that little girl who clenched her fists and never showed weakness.

I turned to God a lot more and I found comfort in a personal communion with Higher power.

12 house Saturn transit can be internally very illuminating and cleansing...

Now time to make that beach body and build who I want to be and what I want in my life for the next 28 years! Hello, Saturn in 1st house!! Be gone, ghosts from the past!

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